Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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