I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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