so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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