Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize