Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
