I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize