he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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