You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
