6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
