In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize