Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
