Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
