So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
