You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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