I hate your face
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
