true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
