Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
