He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
