"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
