she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
