you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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