Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
