She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
