Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
