So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
