Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had sex on a roof
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
