I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
