I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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