Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
