Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
