I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
