What a fucking waste of an outfit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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