I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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