it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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