I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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