As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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