i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
