His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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