was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
