So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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