Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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