Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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