mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
