I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
