At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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