If i come over, it means nothing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
