So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
