the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
