He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
