I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
