Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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