New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
