you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
