She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
