I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
