i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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