Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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