woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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