Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
