I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize