Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
