i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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