My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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