I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
