btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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