dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
