Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
