I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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