I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
