I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
