Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
