My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
