My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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