Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
